This is - finally - my entry for the Travelling Sketchbook: "Sir Bernard Dashley-Holmes and The Order of The Phoenix". Oh, hang on, that's not right. It is, in fact: "Sir Bernard Dashley-Holmes and the Great Indian Safari of 1926."
The text reads:
8th June 1926
Dashed hot again today and still no sign of the blasted tigers.
I'm beginning to think Melrose has no damn idea where the
bally things are, and he's leading us all on a wild goose chase.
Mmm...goose. What I wouldn't give for Gilly's traditional,
British roast goose. With extra potatoes.
All these funny "curries" and what-not the locals serve up
around here. They play havoc with my downstairs department.
Took me forty minutes to get out of the WC this morning.
Melrose says we are making too much noise and are
scaring away the wretched tigers, forcing them deeper
into the jungle. He's reluctant to go any further in
– too many wild creatures about – but dash it all!
Wild creatures are what I've come all the way out
here and paid a damn fortune for! I'm making him
take us further in tomorrow if it's the last thing I do!